Life in the Midst of Financial Crisis

I received my merit increase yesterday. I was very disappointed because my expectation was not met. This was the second disappointment I have experienced since I got promoted as Assistant Manager. I was very quiet because I was trying to hold my tears. I was expecting that the management will align my salary. When I got promoted last year, they just gave me a 3-digit increase. The management said the increase was pretty low because of the financial crisis. It was quite easy to understand though.

Officers meeting was held few months ago. The management reported a very big revenue (three times the target). That made me think that we will have a good increase this year. But what I hoped for was totally the reciprocal of what I have received. When I saw my payslip yesterday, I suddenly felt pain in my chest, seems a heavy stone was placed inside it. When I arrived at home, I told the news to my husband. Both of us asked, "Now what?". We have two kids that are not yet enrolled for school year 2010-2011. My eldest child has special needs, she'll be enrolling in a special school.

I told my husband, "I don't know, but God knows what to do. I'll ask Him. Ask Him too." I prayed for strength and wisdom before I slept last night.

When I woke up this morning, God has a though for me. He reminded me of the spiel I said last week while leading the praise and worship in our church's morning worship service. The line was "What will you say if God told you that you will eat salted fish (tuyo) at lunch?". I say, "Shout Amen, thank you Lord!, because that is a blessing. Whether it is small or big always give thanks to the Lord." This moved me to repent and asked God's forgiveness. I prayed, "Thank you Lord because this is Your will. Please help me to see Your purpose, whatever it is I will follow."

The Past

There is one thing I can't let go... it's the memory of the person I once loved. I guess until now he still occupies a space in my heart. I can still feel the pain whenever I see his pictures, the memory just keeps on coming back. I can't help but cry and pray, "Lord, please help me let go of the past..."

When my mind speaks, it encourages...

Prayer

When your life is gloomy
And there are so much worry,
Don’t let yourself go weary
Kneel and ask God’s mercy.

When nobody seems to care
When the shadow of death stares,
Don’t let your faith be tear
Kneel and ask God’s strength.

Prayer is a weapon
That can ease up any tension,
So my friend even a few seconds
Kneel and feel God’s passion.

This poem was written on April 10, 1998 at Getshemani Prayer Mountain.

First Poem

If Only

If only I have a power
I will make the whole world pretty,
A power that can make all things happy
And colorful that ever be.

This is my first poem. I wrote this when I was in first year high school. My teacher wrote this comment on my notebook, "Good poem for a beginner". This triggered my imagination and boost my desire to write.